Don’t Use Charcoal Toothpaste If You Have A White Bathroom!

I saw the advert for this ‘amazing’ teeth whitening charcoal toothpaste somewhere online. I can’t remember where I think I must have been tired (drunk) that night!

Does anyone else do tired ( drunk) online shopping?

It’s rare for me because I can’t cope with the hangovers these days and it costs a lot of money!

Anyway, I wanted to share with you my thoughts on this ‘amazing’ product.

You may have noticed that I haven’t used a product name, it will all become clear.

The toothpaste arrived in a small pot with a tightly screwed on lid. I struggled to get it open but when I did I was met by a huge cloud of black powder. 

It closely resembled the soot I used to sweep up from my grandma’s coal fire.

Anyway, I felt that if I had sparkling white gnashers it would be worth it, so on I went.

 I dipped the toothbrush into the powder and shoved it in my mouth quickly, to stop the powder escaping. The product should have been orange flavoured but it just tasted like….coal. Well, what I imagine coal would taste like!

I glanced in the bathroom mirror and had the shock of my life. The whole of my lips. teeth, gums, tongue was jet black!

At this point I wondered if I may have used too much!

The instructions on the tin were so small I would need a magnifying glass so I just guessed what to do!

It was now time to remove (spit out) the charcoal. This time I was ready and perched over the sink. It didn’t work….the black powdery liquid went all over the sink (as expected) but also up the walls, the tiles, and me!. There was even a light dusting over the bath and floor!

I grabbed a towel to dry my face and made a huge black splodge over it.

Never mind it was time to see the results!

I peered into the mirror to see charcoal in between my teeth and a disgusting black tongue. So, I had to go back to the rinsing and spreading more charcoal powder around the white bathroom!

By now I resembled a chimney sweep, I had ruined towels, my dressing gown was now black, and it took another half an hour to clean the bathroom!

Finally thinking I had got everything back to normal, I realised that the black powder had ingrained itself into the nails of both hands and it looked like I had been gardening with my fingers!




Needless to say I won’t be using Charcoal Toothpaste ever again!

Oh, forgot to say my teeth looked exactly the same!



8 thoughts on “Don’t Use Charcoal Toothpaste If You Have A White Bathroom!

Add yours

  1. You can buy it as a normal tube of toothpaste (albeit black) and it has none of the disadvantages of a powder. Still not sure if makes any difference but it was on offer at my local chemist for £1 including toothbrush (also conveniently black). Doesn’t provide as much fun as your powder though! 😁


    1. Now that would be more sensible but I think I’ll stay with Colgate from now on. I’m just glad I didn’t have to go out straight away……here comes Worzel Gummidge!


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